World Cup = nap time

For the past several weeks, I have tried to have an open mind when it comes to the World Cup. There are soccer (futbol) fans and there are non-soccer fans. Soccer fans are growing in number and passion, and most of them react indignantly to us non-soccer fans; as in, “dude, you don’t UNDERSTAND.” Yeah yeah OK. Here’s the thing: I’m not “anti-soccer.” I view soccer in a similar way as I do ice hockey: I know there are passionate fans that follow the sport, but I have no interest in either of the sports. Most of the time.

Here’s the difference: When the NHL Playoffs come around, I watch, I am interested, I am entertained and I am rarely disappointed. Every time I ask Phil to explain the “neutral zone trap” I get confused; icing still baffles me, and the outcome of face-offs still seem random. But! The NHL never fails to entertain in the playoffs – even without the fighting!

Every four years, I turn to the World Cup for a similar spark; I am always left longing for more and for the most part left bewildered at what all the fuss is about. Maybe I’m just lucky, but while on vacation in Lake George I was driving around listening to what seemed to be a boring USA/Belgium knockout round game, but when I got back to the cabin in a downpour, I was able to watch the extra time period that was filled with scoring, drama and action. The USA goaltender (I already forgot his name and I am too lazy to look it up) was the MAN. That was some good soccer. For about 10 minutes out of a month. Otherwise? This stuff was a total bore. This afternoon, I tried to watch the World Cup final. I dozed off. The game-winning goal was exciting, but it came after hours of scoreless (and, sorry, BORING) soccer.

The NHL playoffs have fast-paced action with goals or exciting near-misses, goaltenders standing on their heads, power plays, and Barry Melrose (he really is the MAN). The World Cup? Players with one name, few goals and not many near-misses, players who flop for a referee call (hockey players would NEVER do that), biters (Really? Hockey players will just slug you and not care about a 5-minute major) an organization in FIFA that takes advantage of a host country’s infrastructure for a few weeks and leaves them with crumbling and overpriced relics of stadiums that sit empty for decades (and oh yeah, they seem to ignore the fact that concussions do exist) … and, most importantly, low-scoring games where the action just seems to lollygag endlessly. I have watched games (like today’s) where I was actually HOPING for commercial breaks. Hmmm. Sorry, folks. I tried, like I do every four years. No thanks.