Virtual races!: Specifically, the ones in which you set a long-term, specific mileage total to hit over the course of several weeks and months. It’s great for accountability and a sense of accomplishment. Back in the day, we used to call these things our “training logs.” Now, we have Strava (which I have grown to like). And in 2020, the explosion of virtual races like the ones I have described (and yes, that I have participated in), in which we pay an outside agency to allow us the opportunity to log our mileage and see how we compare versus others. Am I being cynical and glib? Yes. I am.
Men not shaving because they’re working at home or otherwise Don’t Care about their personal appearance: This is my favorite. Are you kidding me? Anyone who has known me for even a short length of time knows my “shaving habits” consist of … not much. I don’t need a lot of prompting to grow a hideous beard. My shockingly white goatee right now is approaching 8 months' growth, with a relatively easy target of 1 year not too far behind, especially with the cold weather eventually settling in. Frosty face frozen beards, here I come!
Dressing down because you don’t have to look presentable at work: Like I need a reason to wear flannel shirts and flannel-lined pants every day? Puh-leeeeze. Now, this sort of grunge look is once again a “trend?” Ha! For your next trick, perhaps you can tell me that TUBE SOCKS will come back in vogue!
Adopting adorable pets, thus rescuing them from otherwise bad outcomes: Been there, done that. We have two dogs – Sammie and Mikey (who I like to call Michael, because, well, why not?) – who were acquired through pet rescue agencies. They are part of the family. For a while, several months ago, there may have been several days where I would have had more extensive conversations with them than with Actual Humans. They create a symphony of barking whenever, well, pretty much anyone or anything approaches the house. Sammie is high strung and has a difficult time relaxing, but she is a happy girl and a joy to have. Michael is smelly and fat and likes nothing more than to lay around looking grumpy. My kinda guy! Both of them naturally take up residence on the couch most days and in our bed most nights. We have a happy animal house (including Rickey the turtle and an unnamed goldfish, won by Natalie at some carnival, that simply refuses to perish). Who needs more than this? We do, of course! The chatter for a third dog seemed like a joke at first. But then, in what seemed like an overnight, rapid transition, the chatter grew into a loud chorus and I was completely blindsided -- outnumbered 2 to 1, which felt like 200 to 1. The two (wife Heidi, youngest son James) were persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer; the one, me, the dissenting chief justice, represents the opinion that matters the least. It began looking like Three Dog Night was gonna be more than an old rock band in our house.
And so? Welcome Ellie to our already chaotic household. Ellie is a tiny puppy, allegedly a “beagle mix.” Anything “mix” is adoption agency code for “we don’t know what the heck she is, but she sure is cute, isn’t she?” Why, yes, she is! Alert readers may ask? Why Ellie! Immature Athletes On Our Men’s Team immediately jumped to the following conclusion: “Coach Pete named her after (junior distance runner) Ellie Davis! Har-har-har.” Uh. No. While we are extremely proud of the great strides Ellie Davis has made in her training and racing – especially during these pandemic months! – this dog was named in honor of Eleanor Roosevelt, arguably the greatest First Lady in history and inarguably the former residence of the nearest National Park to our house (Val-Kill, less than a half-mile from our Hyde Park home). Ellie enters a loving home inhabited by two dogs who have grown quite accustomed to running the show around these parts. This has led to some Tense Canine Moments – not to mention pee and poop and chewed-and nibbled upon shoelaces, homework (the dog ate my homework!), pant legs and even a long, scruffy beard. Life with a puppy! So cliché in 2020, huh?
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