An interview with Kerry Gaye

Kerry Gaye (Class of 2019) was one of the many prominent and dominant figures instrumental in the exponential growth of our women’s program during her four years here. The fact that her sister, Michelle, is arguably the greatest distance runner in women’s XC/track school history is actually incidental. They were and are distinct athletes with their own, great strengths. Kerry’s strength was found in a quiet toughness and surprisingly strong leadership abilities. I say “surprisingly” because Kerry is a reserved person. She’s quiet. To the unknowing observer, she could even seem “shy.” Wrong! She was a great team leader during her time here, and her impact is still felt with the current team, many of whom were great teammates and benefited from her positive influence. And as I noted, she truly upped her game in relay races; as a coach, there’s nothing better than THAT.

Like her sister, she was coached in cross country at Harborfields High School by Timmy Russo, an alum of our program and one of Coach Chuck’s teammates. It’s not surprising, then, that Kerry developed so well -- and credits so much of her success -- to the strong motivation of Coach Chuck, because he and Timmy are quite similar in that regard. I wasn’t aware of the positive and memorable effect of a truly “old” coach she had during her revolving door of track coaches in high school, and that is a pleasant surprise to read about in this Pandemic Papers interview. Kerry also gives great insight into the challenges and pitfalls that serious women’s distance runners face by pushing their bodies to the limits and beyond. As usual, her thoughts are spot-on and well thought out. Just months after graduating, Kerry became an assistant XC coach at SUNY New Paltz, and the team had one of the strongest seasons in recent memory – maybe in history! – with multiple national qualifiers. Like the rest of us, Kerry’s life was upended by the pandemic, but she’s managing well at home and we know she has a great future ahead of her. Thanks to Kerry for this great interview.

How, when and why did you start running?

I started running XC 7th grade. I did gymnastics and played soccer for many years before then, as well as a very brief and comical stint in basketball. I definitely wouldn’t have started running had it not been for my sister, Michelle. I knew she loved running and she was clearly pretty good at it, so I thought I might be too. But it didn’t come naturally to me at all! I remember running a 9:27 mile in the first time trial. That first season was tough, but I loved the team and I got a little better every year. 

What were some of your proudest and most memorable moments from your high school track/XC career?

My high school XC coach at Harborfields was Tim Russo, a Marist alum! He had several pieces of memorable advice that I took to college. I think my favorite was: “Even if you are absolutely dying, just straighten up and fake it while you pass someone and hold on for 5 more seconds. Then you can fall apart. They won’t try to pass you again.” This worked a shocking number of times. We had a pretty small team, between 12 and 25 girls when I was there.

For some reason in my era at Harborfields, they could not get a track coach to stay longer than one season, so I had four different coaches throughout my time there. I don’t blame them; we were a handful! During my senior year, the track coach was a 75-year-old man named Ed Digilio, who had come out of a long retirement just to be our coach. He is a tiny man with a thick Brooklyn accent and the warmest, most genuine spirit. It felt like he was the entire team’s grandpa and we all wanted to make him proud. He really advocated for us. We had a pretty decent 4x8 and he tried to enter us into the Millrose Games at the Armory, but we were one of the first few teams out. But he didn’t give up. He called the race directors every day until they finally said that a team had dropped out and we could take their spot! In the spring, he brought us to Penn Relays. The bus ride took much longer than expected and we were stuck in traffic watching teams in our race warm up on the roads around us. We ended up hopping off the bus and sprinting directly to the starting line with our bibs barely attached to our uniforms. Coach Digilio jumped a fence to get into the stadium and got chased by a few security guards. It was awesome.

Looking back, I’m thankful that my high school program wasn’t super competitive. I don’t think I ever ran more than 25 miles in a week before college. Any pressure I felt towards running came from myself, and often, even that felt like way too much! I don’t think I could have handled any more pressure at that age.

How and why did you choose Marist? Was the fact that your sister went here a negative, positive or no impact on your decision-making process?

I definitely didn’t initially envision myself coming to Marist. It’s safe to say based on my high school PRs that I was not a hot commodity to most college coaches. I went on a lot of college tours and reached out to a few coaches, but I always knew in the back of my mind that I would be happy at Marist if I decided to go there. I remember being very nervous coming into preseason my freshman year that everyone would compare me to Michelle, especially since she had just graduated when I arrived! No one ever made me feel like a second-rate version of Michelle. My coaches and teammates treated me as an individual. I feel very grateful that Coach Chuck saw some potential and took a chance on me!

What did you major in at Marist and what are some of your fondest takeaways from your academic career here?

I majored in English literature with minors in French and History. The Marist English department is amazing! The professors are intelligent and care deeply about their students. One of my professors learned Ancient Greek as a hobby just so he could appreciate classic texts to the full extent. That blew my mind. I would also definitely encourage students at Marist to explore the History classes if they have extra room in their schedule! As a History minor, the department was really flexible about letting me take classes that sounded interesting and important to me like Race in America, Rock ‘n’ Roll as U.S. History, Confronting Terrorism, and the History of the Holocaust. Liberal arts classes at Marist taught me how to be a critical thinker and a persuasive writer. 

When healthy, you were a key cog in the great success of our program during its rise to prominence. To what do you attribute your success and the team's success? What are your favorite highlights, memories and key moments of your great career here? You were a great relay runner. Did you "up your game" for relays?

I did have a few tough injuries. During my sophomore year, I had impingement and a little bit of nerve damage in my hip which was particularly painful. It took a few months to diagnose, and the only thing that didn’t bother it was aqua jogging. I learned that the best way to bounce back from injury is from the ground up. I focused a lot on core and strength exercises. Often, I didn’t have a strong base of running behind me but I knew that my body itself was a strong foundation. I needed to feel strong to run fast.

It meant a lot to me that Coach Chuck and Coach Pete understood that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to running. They listened to me and trusted me. I learned early on that I couldn’t handle a lot of mileage, so I cross trained to make up the difference. But sometimes I got in my own way. I was so focused on making my body the most efficient and sleek that it could be, I was often too sick or injured to make it to the starting line. Sometimes I had to stop and ask myself: Do I want to look like the other girls on the line or do I actually want to be on the line?

I’m glad that there is a reckoning going on in the running world concerning women and their bodies. It is timely. My favorite professional runner, Lauren Fleshman, wrote an amazing piece for The New York Times called “I Changed My Body for My Sport. No Girl Should” that I think everyone (athletes, coaches, parents) can benefit from reading. Running long distances and at high intensities can mess with women’s natural cycles and there have been a lot of misconceptions about what is and is not normal. I mistook irregularity as a sign that I was training hard enough, when in reality it was usually a sign that I was training too hard. I think it has become natural for us to feel uncomfortable talking about things like this, but I’m really tired of not talking about it. It helps everyone when we do talk about it and discover shared experiences.

There are so many memories of my time at Marist with my teammates that mean so much to me!  I remember my first race in a Marist singlet was in a 4x8 in the first meet of the winter season at Ocean Breeze. I was so nervous because I had red-shirted cross country, so I felt like I hadn’t raced in ages. The first person I saw when I stepped off the track was Lizzy Peper. She hugged me and said “I’m so proud of you.” It meant the world to me that a senior cared so much about younger teammates and I knew I made the right decision coming to Marist.

It does seem like I somehow “upped my game” for relays. I feel so fortunate to have been on so many relay teams during my four years! Shea and Jenna both described our crazy ECACs win in the 4x8 in 2018, an experience I will never forget! It really is such a magical thing when everything goes right in a relay, because there are so many times when it doesn’t! I attribute so much of the success to Coach Chuck because he instilled in us a “Why not us?” attitude. We weren’t afraid of the competition because he made us believe that we deserved to be there too.

I was always able to come through for my teammates in a way that I could never really come through for myself. Sometimes this was a major source of frustration for me because I felt like I could never achieve the times I thought I was capable of running in individual races. I thought it was somehow unfair that my PRs didn’t compare to my splits in relays.  Now, I can look back and see it as a testament to the uplifting influence and support of my teammates! We were really running for one another. Relays will always hold a special place in my heart.

When and why did you decide to go to SUNY New Paltz for graduate school and how has that been going?

I decided to go to SUNY New Paltz for graduate school about halfway through my senior year at Marist. The first career path that I was interested in was museum work. After interning at a few museums, I realized that what they really need is dedicated volunteers. I’m still passionate about the work that museums do in curating history and art for the public and I will definitely look for opportunities to volunteer my time!

I started thinking about a career in education during my junior year at Marist. I took a class in children’s literature and it made me think about the foundational role of education and literacy for children. Marist has an amazing education program, but I was too far into my degree to add on all of the requirements and graduate on time. I researched a lot of different masters programs in teaching and education and I found that SUNY New Paltz had exactly what I was looking for! I am two semesters into the three-semester program and in December I will be certified to teach English in grades 7-12.

What was it like transitioning to a coaching role there?

I was really lucky to get the Assistant Coaching job there! It was fascinating to be a part of a college team in a different role than I was used to. Instead of worrying about my own performances, my job was to provide the training and guidance to help my athletes perform to the best of their ability. I was surprised and thankful that the team was so open-minded and willing to accept advice from me, even though my own college career ended just a few months before I started! I would have understood if they were a little suspicious about me, but they welcomed me with open arms and were such a genuine, high quality group of people. The team competed really well throughout the season! We finished second to Geneseo on the women's side and fifth on the men’s side. We also sent three individual qualifiers to DIII Nationals, the most in program history! Coach Ryan was named SUNYAC Coach of the Year on the women’s side in their first year as the head of the program. I definitely have a new respect for coaches and all of the logistical elements that go into racing and bringing the team to meets!

The pandemic disrupted your academic progress as well. What was that like and what is your immediate future looking like?

Like so many college students, I was halfway through my semester when the campus shut down and classes moved online. I was also supposed to continue coaching for the spring season. I came home to Greenlawn soon after, and traveled back up to New Paltz a few weeks later to clear out my apartment. I didn’t expect to miss my tiny apartment so much, but I did really enjoy having a space that was all mine. It was also only a half a mile run onto the rail trail and the R2R (River To Ridge) so that was lovely too! I’m sad that my time in New Paltz was cut short because there was still so much that I had yet to explore. I have my student teaching semester coming up in the fall, which I will be completing on Long Island before I graduate in December. Obviously, there is still a lot of uncertainty about schools for the fall, so I am not expecting to know very much until further into summer.

Overall, how have you handled the pandemic and where do you see this going in the short- and long-term -- both academically and athletically?

My family has been very lucky so far. I’ve been quarantining with my mom and dad since the middle of March (If I make one more “You’re on my quaran-team joke, I think they’re gonna lose it). My 90-year-old grandfather lives alone and pretty close to us, and my dad is his primary caretaker. My dad has been cooking for him for the last few months so he doesn’t have to leave his house. I owe it to him, my parents, and my whole community to be mindful so that we can all be safe. I feel a little apprehensive about the raising of restrictions right now, though well-intentioned, because it feels like all of our effort in isolating could be undone quickly by a few seemingly harmless missteps.

As I mention in all these interviews, our recently graduated seniors lost so much with the shuttering of on-ground activities. You were teammates with all of them. What have you said to them and what can you say to them here?

I feel honored to have shared three years on the team with this senior class and four years with Emily Burns and Katie Miale. They are an incredible group of people who continue to impress me! I’m confident that several records would have been broken in the spring. In my own experience, navigating post-collegiate running can be confusing. I’m lucky to have Michelle as my wellness guru; she has the wisdom of a thousand Buddhas and the kindness of America’s sweetheart, Tom Hanks. I would encourage the team to keep reaching out to one another, as well as the amazing network of Marist running alumni!

Anything else you'd like to add…

For me, uncertainty is the worst feeling. I love being prepared for things, which is why Mike Kennedy always finds it funny when I pull a fold-up rain jacket out of my tiny bag at the first hint of rain. I think that the best counter to uncertainty is education. It is a good time to reflect on what we know, or think we know, and then focus on expanding it. I love books that broaden my worldview. If anyone is looking for some thought-provoking reading material right now, I’d recommend Blood at the Root by Patrick Phillips, The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander, and Autumn by Ali Smith. Lastly, I want to thank Pete for including me in this interview series!