It's not the heat, it's the stupidity

The above headline appeared in my favorite tabloid newspaper, the New York Daily News, a few weeks ago when I was on vacation (remember, I read the actual “print product” – as they call it in the industry now – while away on holiday). I love this headline, for so many reasons, not the least of which is that I am a collector of bad puns and plays on words (more on that later, and how it got me in trouble back in the day).

Anyway, as we head into the proverbial “dog days” of summer – heat index today well over 100 for most readers of this fancy blog – I thought it might be nice to go over some “stupid heat tricks” I have cultivated over the years as a coach of long-distance runners trying to get in their mileage in the summer. These nuggets are so logic-defying that they do not even need editorial comment after them. All are true, by the way.

--Deliberately dehydrating yourself before a hot run, as a way to “toughen you up” mentally.

--Deliberately avoiding water or sports drink on a long run in the heat as a sort of “depletion experiment.”

--Deliberately running in the hottest part of the day, on a course with no shade.

--With no sunscreen or a hat.

--When you are bald.

--Jumping in the Hudson River after a midsummer run and going for a swim.

--During a lightning storm.

--Hopping on the back of a moving freight train on the other side of the river as a way to “cool off” during one of the bridge loops.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

I should clarify – and this may seem obvious – that all of these stupid heat tricks were culled from my years of coaching MEN’S distance runners. And for the guys that are reading this post and thinking, “yeah, sounds cool!” … don’t even think about it. Especially the last few.

Lastly, the title of this blog post harkens me back to my days as a headline writer at Dutchess County’s Finest Daily Newspaper. Back then, I always liked to “push the envelope” with catchy headlines based off bad puns. A few of my all-time favorites:

--“Goran, Goran, Gone!” After tennis player Goran Ivanisevic was upset at Wimbledon. Side note: I felt vindicated that this was a good headline when I saw it in the Daily News the next day as well!

--“Belcher limits Braves to barely a burp” After baseball pitcher Tim Belcher (so easy, I know) tossed a 1-hit shutout.

--I also remember writing one with the phrase “Orel surgery” after baseball pitcher Orel Hershiser had a good game.

My editors did not share this grand vision of headline writing. As a result, I was “written up” several times for this behavior, and my now defunct personnel file there is probably collecting dust with these long-lost memos.

Now that I write my own blog, I have no fear of being “written up” by stodgy editors.

Stay cool!